10 subtly stupid things I did during my younger years (not that I’m OLD)

1. Took the exams drunk.
          It was during our senior year in high school, and our exams doesn’t start in the afternoon; So my friends and I met up at our usual place, and bought 500ml of beer for each one of us, and got ourselves drunk early morning that day (we’re not alcoholics, just plain bored; and probably we just wanted to see if we’ll get caught) comes afternoon, we went our way to school and was late. My teacher cornered me outside the room asking for my permit and why I was late. I was handing over my permit and giving her some lame excuse while backing away from her (because she’s walking closer and closer to me. I don’t want her to smell the beer!)

dont-come-any-closer                                   How did the exam go? Can’t remember; I was drunk. drunk

2.  Snuck in a friend at an exclusive school event.
          I have this friend that got kicked out of our school; Our principal hated her. (she was a  “trouble student” – a pain in the ass to most of our teachers lol) Anyway, she wanted to attend this school event, and we wanted her there as well, so we planned to snuck her in. We managed to do that but seconds later our principal appeared and he was scolding us, specially me, in front of the entire school. (I didn’t really cared much about what he was saying, I was more concerned of what our plan B would be)

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3. Went home REALLY drunk.
          So my friends and I were drinking almost the entire day that day (again, we’re not alcoholics) and I was so drunk, so I went home because all I wanted to do was sleep. So once I reached home,  my mom greeted me, she was saying something about me smelling like beer (I object your honor) and I went right up stairs (drunk walking) accidentally hitting all the paintings on the wall on my way. My sister shouted at me (don’t remember what she said)  but I was in a hurry ’cause I feel like vomiting already, so I went straight to the bathroom, vomited, then my bedroom and slept. My family never woke me up for dinner, I guess they figured I was drunk. LOL (I’m not proud tho)

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4. Got into a fight.
          Okay, so my friends and I hang out at this sari sari store, and of course other people would come by, there’s this group of girls that are so annoying but we just ignored them for peace sake. One of our common friends told us that they’re actually irritated with us; and their sort of “leader” hated my friend the most (they confronted each other), and to make this story short, one of their friends gave my friend the bad finger while passing by, and my friend told us about this.
One day, this girl and a friend of her happened to pass by, and then my friend told me “there she is”, I dropped everything I was buying at the store and charged like a bull towards that girl with my arm stretched out reaching for her hair, once I got hold of her hair I yanked it back so hard, that made her head tilt backwards, and so I looked her straight in the eye and asked her what’s her problem, then shouted some hateful words at her face (she kept denying what she did); her friend ran to their other friends looking for help, eventually my friends and other people started gathering around us and broke the fight, I let go of her hair afterwards, she never hit me back, not even to defend herself. (What a wuss) We returned to the store, nothing ever happened to me.

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5. Pretended to be a boy.
          Well, remember my “trouble” friend? turns out she was a lesbian, AND is into this girl; She pretended to be a boy to make her fall for her and to make things more real, she asks us to pretend to be boys through text and friendster; anyway, long story short, things got out of hand, our group of fake good looking guys got so popular with the girls from different schools, that they would fight over us (crazy), send us mobile credits whenever we don’t respond, they would call us but we rarely answer ( i mean, we can’t answer unless we’re with guy friends), Our male friends are the ones who talks to them (our guy friends never asked why, guess they’re good with just being able to talk to girls haha) Some of them would even tell us “Hey I saw you yesterday at (enter location here)” seriously girls? It’s not real! Although, I’m not really proud of what we did, we played with their feelings just for fun which isn’t right. (WE’RE REALLY SORRY) We stopped pretending after awhile and just disappeared from the scene, my friend admitted everything to that girl and they eventually got together FOR REAL.

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6. Ruined a band gig.
          I was in a rock band back at high school, I was the lead guitarist (lol to this, I’m not good with ad libs haha) Anyway, we were auditioning for this event,everything was going smoothly, but I stopped playing the guitar once we reached the end part of the song. I didn’t know the rest of the chords, so I just stopped. I was just standing there looking at the crowd. eventually the drums stopped as well, and it was only the bass who finished everything lol it was so embarassing. Hahaha!

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7. Got caught smoking at home.
          So… it was a weekend, and I have the house all to myself. My parents were out grocery shopping, and I assumed they won’t be back soon, so I got my pack of cigarettes, and went inside this room that we have over the terrace and smoked it there; while I was enjoying my cigar, I heard mom, and she was close! (I was at the second floor, and I closed all the doors and windows of that room – stuuuupiiiid.)

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This is me, trying to put out the cigar and figuring out how to get rid of the smell fast! because I could hear mom getting SUPER CLOSEEmojione_1F628.svg.png

I did managed to put out the cigar and throw it somewhere in the room before mom opened the door, but the room was still hazy because of the smoke and of course, the smell, there’s no denying that; well I was smoking Gudang at that time, so it didn’t really smelled like the usual cigar.

     MOM: what’s that? are you smoking?!!
     ME: No, that’s paper. I’m burning paper.
     MOM: and what’s that smell???
     ME: I don’t know…. the carpet?

LOOOL. Well, my family didn’t talk to me for 2 days. You could feel their disappointment. But eventually dad talked to me, and everyone started talking and surprisingly they weren’t mad. However, I didn’t stop smoking yet, just figured out that smoking in a locked room is a bad idea, so I smoked outside, where the wind could easily get rid of the smell, and there will be no evidence.

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8. Joined a sorority, then quit.
          Fraternities / Sororities are a big deal during my high school years, people would think you’re “cool” if you’re in one. (but not really, it depends on which one you’re joining, if you’re with a Frat/Sorority that sucks, then you suck as well) anyway, my friends and I planned to join this sorority that’s really big, it’s an international sorority (I’m not gonna say the name) and recruitment is very discreet. So when my friends and I were invited to join, we’re like oh hell yes. So we did all the things they asked us to do, etc, etc. days passed and we got into the “final stage”, they wanted us to dress up, formal attire with matching hair and makeup and go to class. and to be honest, even before this point, I was losing interest already; I don’t really see any sense in it, I told my friends and they felt the same; and when they asked us to wear formal… I’m like…

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9. Curse A LOT.
          Yeah, I curse a lot back in the day. It was like an expression, and sometimes I don’t really mean it. Just feels right saying it.

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          I was able to somehow curse less. It just didn’t sound right to my ears anymore, so I just stop  cursing when it’s not necessary. (It makes cursing more special. LOL) Today, whenever I hear people curse during conversations with their friends, specially young ones, it made me think… am I like that back then? It’s too annoying to listen to, and I seriously want to smack the shit (sorry) out of their mouths.

10. Snuck out to a concert.
          Every year there’s a festival at our place, where local bands would come and perform and you can watch them live  for free. And of course, everyone you know will be there. Friends, Schoolmates, Everyone. So we went there but we never told our parents because the place was too far, and they wont let us go if they knew. Concert was amazing. The Mosh Pit was crazy. All of our friends were there, we had so much fun and we didn’t care if we’re all sweaty and smelled like shit (beer + our sweat + other people’s sweat + smoke) Anyway, my mom called my friend’s mom to check on me. What my parents know is that I’m at my friend’s house and my friend’s parents know is that she’s on my house; and they both found out that this was a big fat lie. So we got calls from both our parents, telling us to get home right at that moment. My friend and I although we were scared, we decided to stay. YOLO right? lol We thought that if we go home now, we’ll be scolded and probably be grounded, so what difference would that make if we go home in the morning? (which is a lot safer btw) so we decided to finish the event and it was all worth it.

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I can’t say that I’m proud of my actions but I’m glad I did all these things during my younger years. I did learn a lesson or two. also, my conclusion is: I’m such a stubborn girl. LOL but I’m proud to say that I’ve outgrown all of my bad habits. (somehow)

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When someone leaves you

and when you leave them,

You will feel it. They will too. Even before it happens.

There’s a tug in your heart that would bother you, like a storm brewing.

You knew, someday it will rain.

When you leave someone you love, and someone who loves you leaves you, it will hurt.

For both of you.

because you knew it will happen, but you hoped that it won’t.

 

I’m not really a fan of modern devices

I know, it “improves” our lives, but I don’t really see it as a necessity.

I used to love computers, I would die without it.

I used to wake up and go directly to my computer, start it up and sit there all day until it’s night time. I would spend everyday doing stuff on my computer. That was my life.

Until I realized… what was I doing sitting in front of a computer ALL DAY when there’s a whole lot of things to do outside?

From that day on, I would only use a computer if I really, REALLY need to. (My job requires a computer — how ironic? huh? but once my shift ends, I don’t want to see / use any computer anymore)

My computer broke down ages ago, and I never thought about getting it fixed.

It was a blessing. It was what I needed.

It was like the world was calling to me, telling me to go out, do something and explore.

These devices…  I just feel like it’s taking a lot of our time, time we could spend doing something else, instead of staring at these damn screens all day. It creates disconnection.

I’m not blaming technology, we just got to learn how to control ourselves and not be enslave by these devices.

I mean, look at us. We’re always on our phones, computers, in our own world

I looked at people in silence, eyes wide, consumed by this thing they’re holding. It’s as if they’re being enslaved by something they cannot see.

It’s just crazy …and sad at the same time.

Gone.

I’m looking at you, at our photos.

I wonder why I never shared it with the world..

I wonder why I never told anyone about you…about us.

well I did to a few, but just now when it’s all over.

Maybe because deep down I know, it’s never gonna happen.

I have doubts that it’s real.

And simply, maybe,  I was waiting for you to be the one to open it up to the world..

You left, promising me that you will come back…

I’ve knocked on every door, and looked through every window, but I did not see you. I did not hear you, I did not feel you.

Part of me wants to see you, just curious of what you might say.

Part of me don’t want to see you, because it wouldn’t matter anyway.

I cared about you, but now I’m certain, I don’t.

25 Years

a lot has changed since then.

from the first day my mom held me in her arms and  I opened my eyes to the world.

to now, that I’m working and living on my own, away from my parents.

Many things had happened, many things have changed.

Back when I was a kid I wanted to become a VJ or a spy lol I’ve always pretended to be one back in the day. Haha but here I am, animating stuff. which is actually pretty cool.

I did all kinds of crazy back in high school and college…as well my early after graduation days. Cutting classes, going to school drunk, partying all night, making my parents angry 😁 getting into a fight, smoking, taking the exams drunk, making my teachers angry, being an example of bad influence to fellow classmates and friends 😅 drinking some more haha name it. I won’t go into details, because it’ll be very long. and this entry is already long. BTW, just to be clear I’m done with that part of my life. I eventually got tired of it. ☺ I’m trying to be a good girl now. Haha

Back then I hated nature, I don’t see the beauty in it. I mean it’s  too sunny and I’ll have dark skin when I stayed too long under the sun.. Just like what my sister would usually say about beach photos “all I see is the glaring sun.” but now, I appreciate it. and I don’t care if my skin got darker anymore. I’ll choose mountains over any establishments. I’d rather sleep on a tent with the sky and the stars as my ceiling than sleep on a 5, 7 star hotel suite.

I  jumped off a fucking waterfall!  and that has been one of the greatest experiences of my life 😁

That feeling of being free and at peace, you can only get that from nature.

I don’t like to cook, but I do now. I love experimenting with food. and trying different recipes I found over the internet. and my family likes my cooking, so I guess I’m doing okay? Haha

Back when I was a kid, I thought my first crush was the one, but as I grew older, I forgot about him lol and learned that there are other relationships aside from crushes.lol

when I was a kid, I never thought I’d loose people who are close to me. I always thought they’ll be  there. I lost 2 aunts this year. and in my 25 years, 6 people died in our family. all of them, have been a part of my life.

My brother and sister, whom I played with and made goofy moments with (until now) hha both of them are getting married this year, and I’m very happy for them. Although this means I’ll be living on my own even more, since they’ll be busy starting their own families and all.

My bestfriends are far from me as well, All of us are far from each other, we live at different places and have our own lives to live. 2 of them are mothers already! Crazy! Haha we used to hangout every goddamn day, now, we only get to hangout like once a year. Either Christmas or New Year. Haha anyway I miss them all.

One of the things I’ve learned is that you have to get by on your own. You’ve got to learn how to be strong on your own, to stand up on your own, to grow on your own. to live on your own. Everyone will die, and it’ll be just you. It’s the truth. It’s sad, it sucks, but it’s the truth.

We are never certain of what will happen in the future. We can predict and plan out to get what we want, but you can never guarantee that it’ll happen 100%. You still have to take risks. And those risks has its own consequences. So I say, do the best that you can in whatever situation you’re in right now. and hope to God it goes well.

I realized that life is  moving, everything goes on and on. No matter what happens, you go on, you move forward. Life can be tiring sometimes, you can can take a break from time to time but you can never stop. As long as you’re alive, you should live. Life goes on.

I know there are more things to come, and more things that I need to learn. Hopefully , I’ll be able to get through to all of it. (fingers crossed) :)

If life is a hundred meter dash, I’m just at the starting point.

To my aunt.

and what she made me realized after she died.

We were never close, my aunt and I.

Although we live together, we never really talked that much.

She was always in her room, sometimes she’s outside with her friends, but we rarely sit together in a room for hours. The only time I got to be with her is when we eat meals.

She’s not a bad person. She is actually very…prim and proper; maybe that’s why she finds me a bit of annoying? lol

Anyway.

My aunt, she suffered and died from breast cancer. Stage 4.

She got it removed before, but then it came back.

She still stayed strong despite her situation, she didn’t really ask for help unless she really needs it. It was bad, her cancer. her stupid cancer. It made her body so weak and rotten. It’s just awful.

She didn’t want to go to hospital and get chemo therapy, I don’t know why. Maybe because, according to the doctor (if I got it right) the cancer won’t go away. It’s impossible at that stage to remove it but they can only prevent it from spreading, prolonging the damage it would cost.

I guess that’s why she decided to accept it as it is.

She was cremated. I was in the room and saw her being pushed inside this big oven. Then she’s gone. Turned to ashes.

What I realized after that is this.

What’s important is how you live your life. The impact that you’ve made when you’re still alive, the things that you did is what will remain. Your body, your life…you just borrowed it. You have been given number of years to experience this world. It’s now up to you how you’re gonna do it.

You’re gonna make it good? you’re gonna make it worse? It’s all in your hands. What I think is that, if that time comes and you’re on your deathbed. I think it would be a whole lot nicer looking back on your time here on earth and realizing that you did the best that you can for you and for others and you know you did well.

Thanks aunt. This is by far the best lesson I learned from you.

Hoping you’re in peace.

We love you always.

So it’s a new year.

It’s kinda late for a new year’s post but what the hell, didn’t really feel like writing during the holidays so..

Last year I’ve decided to stop smoking. And yes!! :D  I’ve succeeded. Lol

That has been my major achievement for the year 2014. YEY!

Well…how about this year? I know it’s not really necessary that you have to have a goal every godamn year, but it would be nice to have something to work on, anywaaaaay.

This year I’ve decided to be more positive to things. Like saying Yes to life more often than I used to. I mean whenever someone asks me to do something or go somewhere, I would usually say “meh, maybe next time”mehh, i’ll probably just stay at home” “mehhh, i feel lazy today” “mehh…mehhh…mehhh...” Lol  so now, this year I’m thinking of taking on anything that will come my way.

Challenge accepted mode: ON. Haha

It’s like in a way opening doors to different, new possibilities and opportunities.

It’s fun, it’s exciting, it makes me feel ALIVE.

So time’s up for me and my lazy ass. My inactive days are OVER.